Honest and Candid

(Thanks Giving 2009)

OK, so I have been missing for quite some time now. I have been in hiding from the blog world. I have had several people ask me to update my band blog. I kept thinking I was too busy, but the truth is that I did not know what to say! I don't have good news to report on. I hit a wall, emotionally, this fall. So must of the success of the band depends on your contact with the Dr. and getting frequent fills until you are at a proper place of restriction. I was aware of this before the surgery. I had been attending support groups for women banded by my same dr. and they all said that they did not really feel restriction until their 4th fill. So I was prepared for that, I was prepared for slow progress in the beginning....but what I wasn't prepared for was how hard it would be to make it to the Dr's office.

In August I went for my 2nd Fill. My 2nd one was supposed to be in July or June, but the office had to close because they were moving. So I went in August, got my 2nd fill. I have been getting my fills from a different dr. then the one that preformed my surgery, same office, just different Dr. I don't really like the guy. I Loved my dr, Dr. Moazzez (my friend said that it is name she won't forget because you go to Dr. Moazzez because you want LESS AZZEZ). But I am not so sure about this other guy. Any ways, that is besides the point: I got my fill and on my way I went to pay the co-pay and they said that my insurance referral had run out. WHAT!!!!! They said my post op referral was only for 90 days. I was a little upset...wish they would have told me this on my way in instead of on my way out! The bill is $200 if you don't have a referral and $24 if you do. So you do the math. I was upset because had they kept my original appointment instead of closing the office for two week and rescheduling everyone a month later, I would have fit into my referral frame. They told me that I had to go to my Primary Care Manager from now on before I come to get a referral....WHAT???????? UGHHHH!!!! So frustrating!!! I really don't like my Primary Care Manager!! I need to stop whining about her and just change her and request a new one. She barely speaks English and she does not know how to enter referrals into the system. I had to visit her once a month for 6 months in order to get the surgery approved. I dreaded the visit each time!!! So since I heard that I have to go to her first......I have done nothing!!!!

I seriously feel as if I never had the surgery. I have a huge appetite. I feel zero restriction and the pounds have been packing on, especially through the holiday season. I can't stand it! I have had to pull out some of my old fat pants. I feel so gross, I feel so embarrassed, and I am disappointed in myself.

So anyone that thinks that this surgery is a quick fix, and the weight comes off and never comes back, I am proof that it does. So I am going to stop whining about it and take action. I have made an appointment with my PCM (the one I don't like) for Feb 1st. I am hoping she gives me a referral for a fill. What happens if she doesn't is my question???? Then will this whole process all have had been for nothing? I hope she gives me the referral. And I think my ultimate fear of her saying no has been the real reason why I have not been back and set the appointment. So hoping to get regular fills this spring and make some more progress. So wish me luck! So anyone that has been wondering about my progress: There you have it....no exciting progress to report on....just set backs and my biggest set back being myself.

I am back at the gym!

And I will leave this post on a positive note:

I thought that a year ago or so I had blogged about my dream of taking a dance class and performing in a recital, but I can't find the post now. But I am happy to report that I am taking a JAZZ class. It is fun. I was measured yesterday for my costume for my June recital. I saw what the costume will look like, a cute little salsa dress. and it is little. I have a lot of work to do on my dancing skills, but I am having so much fun! My friend Shara is taking it with me. And she is 3 months pregnant and will be 8 months at our recital, so I told her hopefully I will loose weight and we can swap costumes. She is a tiny little thing. She can have my fat belly one I was measured for and I will take her little one. We laughed about it.

A picture: Just for fun: Cut my hair off.

(November 2009) Marine Corps Ball

Sad that when I went shopping for a new dress I only went down one size from last January, Can't wait for next years Dress!!!!